Thursday, June 08, 2006

American Idiot Watch - Head in the Sand Edition

I think it’s about time to get some U.S. Senate representation on the list of nominees for American Idiot. How about the guy who has been called “the dumbest senator of them all?” James Inhofe (R-OK), who got up in front of the Senate yesterday and showed a large poster of his extended family while sharing the following observation that he felt was of critical import to the nation:
My wife and I have been married 47 years. We have 20 kids and grandkids. I’m really proud to say that in the recorded history of our family, we’ve never had a divorce or any kind of homosexual relationship.
Gee, why did he have to stop with just an assurance that he’s not related to gays or divorcees? It is probably highly unlikely that there is recorded historical evidence that anyone in the Inhofe family has ever picked his nose, farted in public, or, for that matter, even needed to use a toilet! If it isn’t recorded, God knows it didn’t happen! If you are going to brag about your family on the national stage, you might as well make them sound really perfect!

Looking at the picture (larger version here), however, I’m willing to give Inhofe the benefit of the doubt regarding the apparent fact that of the many young children on display, there is one girl who appears to be black (could be adopted), and one boy who appears to eschew conventional family standards of dress by wearing a simply divine white sweater (his red shirt was probably muddy from playing football!) But none of these children appear even close to the age of determining their true sexual identity, let alone getting married and divorced.

At this point, the odds suggest that at least one of them will be gay, and half of them will be eventually be divorced. Thus, Inhofe’s boasting seems a little like the gardener who brags about never having killed a plant - before any of his seeds have even sprouted!

I suppose one should also note that Senator Inhofe lays no claim to having family members who actually like their spouses, only that they have never divorced. Of course, judging from the picture, Inhofe’s wife certainly appears less able to force a smile for the camera than the Senator does, so perhaps the omission is an honest one!

All in all, Senator Inhofe’s silly stunt in support of the gay marriage ban currently being touted by the president shows his potential to end up as the last person in America to support George W. Bush, and thus earns a nomination for the coveted title of American Idiot.


  1. Dumb, alas, requires no passport or visa but crosses all boundaries without effort and makes itself at home wherever it lands.

    I know where a huge lump of it ended up! The Senator has revealed himself a fool...

  2. I feel bad for him. Anyone who holds up his or her family as paragons of righteousness is due a huge cosmic ass kicking. Happens EVERY time.