Saturday, September 08, 2007

Can She Write?

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I wrote an earlier post about the many books written by the Presidential candidates (or their ghost-writers.) In a way it’s good to know what kind of writers are vying for such a powerful position, because I figure someone who can put together a decent sentence, at the very least, is bright enough not to refer to the citizens of Australia as “Austrians!

So I just received a fundraising letter from the Hillary for President Campaign, and, despite her bestselling book, I’m starting to have my doubts about her writing ability. For example, here are the first two paragraphs (with my emphasis on the phrases that would be ripped to shreds by any freshman English teacher):
Dear (Seenos),

The campaign for President has started earlier and has become far more intense faster than any one expected. Our campaign has been filled with excitement and energy, and we have made some amazing progress.

The importance of early supporters has never been greater. And that is why I am writing to you today to tell you how critical your active participation is in, what I believe is, one of the most important campaigns of our lives.
Now I’m being a little nit-picky, of course, but considering that this is the candidate who is widely considered to have the most prepared and professional campaign staff, and the one with the most experience and least potential for mis-steps, this doesn’t bode well!

The letter then goes on to discuss, in somewhat annoyingly repetitious detail, the fact that she really needs money soon because of the many early primaries in delegate-rich states -a “larger number of key states than we originally expected.” As if the first few mentions aren’t enough to drive the point home, she begins her wrap up by restating:
It will be incredibly expensive because there are so many big states holding their primaries in such a short period of time.
Too bad there aren’t a lot of five-year-olds with wads of spare money lying around to donate to Hillary's campaign!

And then, she goes for the closer:
I truly appreciate you taking the time to let me make as clear and compelling a case as possible for your active participation in our history-making campaign.

If I have persuaded you to support my campaign, I hope you will take the important step of demonstrating that support with a generous donation right now.
Well, at this point, Ms. Clinton, all you’ve done is made a clear and compelling case for me not to buy your book!

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