Monday, February 20, 2006

Hard Lessons from an Accidental Shooting

It has now been more than a week since Vice President Cheney shot his “acquaintance” in the face. With a little perspective here is what I have learned from this incident.

First of all, shooting small creatures is relaxing even if you accidentally miss and shoot a man in the face.

It is OK to drink a beer before heading out with a loaded gun – as long as you drive around a while before you start shooting things.

When you do make a mistake and shoot a man in the face, it is helpful to have a team of secret service, doctors, and an ambulance near by – although probably not practical for most run of the mill hunters.

If I happen to become Vice President of the United States, it is nice to know that I have no responsibility to inform the President if I shoot a man in the face.

It is also good to know that there is no need to go to the hospital out of concern for the man that I just shot in the face. I can get on with my evening, fix myself a stiff drink and have a leisurely roast beef dinner with my GOP lobbyist ranch owner hostess.

It is also a relief to know that speaking with law enforcement officials is not required for many hours, because I suspect that after a long day of drinking beer, killing small creatures, shooting a man in the face, drinking some more, then consuming a large meal – I might be a little tuckered out. I’d probably be asleep as soon as my head hit that Vice Presidential pillow – especially with all that relaxing shooting I’d done that day. I’d be so tired I might even forget to take all my heart medications.

So you see Mr. Wittington is on the mend. He has apologized to the Vice President for being shot in the face. And, as a country we have learned some hard lessons about jumping to conclusions based on facts and evidence. With the passage of time I suspect that we will all come to understand the valuable lessons brought about by the simple act of the Vice President shooting a man in the face.

Thank you Mr. Cheney!


  1. By the way does anyone else find it more appalling that they had roast beef and not quailfor dinner? Maybe they were being good sportsmen and practicing shoot and release.

    Also, should Cheney be eating red meat - after all those heart attacks?

  2. When you are Vice President of Torture, shooting a man in the face is like swatting a mosquito. You don't worry about the mosquito's family. You just wipe off the guts and and forget about it!

  3. Lost Wages Joe11:04 AM

    Maybe Big Dick accidently bagged a steer with another of his errant shots.

    Hey, maybe that's how we can finally get Osama; send Big Dick to Pakistan with his shotgun. Tell him there's quail in that there cave!