The Condoleeza Rice Recipe.

After reading this recent article describing Condoleeza Rice as “the most popular member of the Bush administration”, I didn’t know whether to laugh or vomit. I realize this isn’t exactly glowing praise – kind of like saying that MasterCard is your most popular creditor, or that your neighbor’s beagle is the cutest dog that craps in your yard. But still, some people actually like this woman. Go figure.

Now we are reminded, as reported by the British-based Observer in early 2003, that Rice authorized NSA agents, at the request of George Bush, to secretly wiretap the home and office telephones and monitor private e-mail accounts of members of the United Nations Security Council. According to a leaked e-mail written by Chief of Staff for Regional Targets Frank Koza, these activities were not for reasons of national security, but for political reasons, with the purpose of gaining:

. . . insight as to how to (sp) membership is reacting to the ongoing debate RE: Iraq, plans to vote on any related resolutions, what related policies/negotiating positions they may be considering, alliances/dependencies etc. – the whole gamut of information that could give US policymakers an edge in obtaining results favorable to US goals . . . .

Don’t I recall correctly that her job title at the time was National Security Advisor? When the President comes to her and asks her to do something so underhanded, potentially damaging to the countries’ reputation, and basically downright stupid, don’t you think that her title gave her the responsibility to give some advice! Like, “Maybe that’s not such a good idea, Mr. President.” No, she just kissed his butt and said “Yes sir.”

I also recall during her testimony before the 9/11 Commission when she basically said (with a straight face, mind you) that the PDB entitled “Bin Laden Determined to Attack in the US” didn’t warrant advising (there’s that word again!) the President to consider stepping up security efforts before an attack happened. “Who could have predicted that Bin Laden was actually determined to attack in the US?” was essentially her best defense on that day.

So why do people like this seemingly incompetent woman? Well, she dresses nice, and has a haircut that reminds everyone of Lucy from their favorite comic strip. That’s something, I guess. But Michael “Brownie” Brown also was a “fashion god” and had a nicely coiffed head of hair, but he was despised for his utter incompetence. So it can’t just be the look.

After some research, I think I have found the key ingredient in the recipe for Condoleeza Rice’s success that is apparently enough to overcome the fact that she does little more than kiss up to the President and lie with a straight face. Unlike Brownie, whose resume was filled with horse judging and phony teacher-of-the-year awards, Condi knows how to look good on paper. Despite the fact that she couldn't advise her boss out of a paper bag, she sure knows how to pad a resume!

A look at her official White House bio shows that she has a PhD from University of Denver, and honorary doctorates from 7 other universities. She was a professor and Provost at Stanford University where she was twice decorated for distinguished excellence (or something like that.) She was a member of the Board of Directors, or provided “board service,” to no less than 15 corporations or community organizations. She has held 10 different titles within the Bush Administration, and was also somehow partly responsible for the reunification of Germany and the fall of the Soviet Union. She has co-authored three books with a combined total of 17 (mostly) big words in the titles. And that’s not even counting her being a “concert quality” pianist, speaking “fluent” Russian, having a namesake aircraft carrier, and being the perennial winner of her NFL fantasy league (OK I made the last one up!)

In fact, the only area where Condi has clearly done a better job than Brownie is the preparation of her resume, yet she has been promoted to Secretary of State while he has been relegated to starting a consulting firm in the one field where he is known worldwide as a failure!

I guess it counts for a lot to have a boss who reeaaalllyy likes having his butt kissed and who likes being able to say that you have an excellent “Kur-ik-yul-um Vi-tay!”