Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Who Will Be the Next White House Press Secretary?

Well now that Scott McClellan is riding off into the sunset I'd like to speculate a little about who might replace him. It is not an easy gig - answering questions day after day for this President. It calls for a special talents that fortunately not many people are blessed with.

So with leaked information from my longtime secret informant and "former hill staffer" who I call - "Google" - I have compiled a list of the top available candidates to fill Scottie's shoes.

#5 Jared the Subway Guy - everyone seems to believe him when he says that he lost all that weight just by eating Subway sandwiches.













#4 Tommy (the liar) Flannigan - an obvious choice for his ability to answer any question.















#3 Baghdad Bob - His ability to cut through reality with defiance is legendary.














#2 Rita Cosby - Just imagine every press briefing beginning with "Good evening, I'm Rita Cosby and I'm coming to you live from the Whitehouse briefing room, where we have late breaking information - a bombshell in the presidents daily schedule tomorrow.













#1 Teller - This I think is the best choice, dispense with all the lies and just send Teller up to the podium day after day. You know what they say, "sometimes a look is worth a thousand words".

5 comments:

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  2. Just as Bush is the "Decider" - Teller would be the "Teller".

    Insert Bush's stupid laugh Here.

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  3. Why not just make it a package deal and name Penn to replace Rove as a Domestic Policy Advisor?

    I saw him once make an entire submarine disappear. Just think what he could do to the deficit, poverty, or future natural disasters!

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  4. Oscar the Grouch would be my choice.
    "why the hell are you bothering me? i was eating a sandwich. Go away. Another question? Go ask someone else, like Big Bird."

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  5. If he were still alive...Sam Kineson!

    "What does the President think? What about what I think...you irritating f*ck! I've been doing this job for two f*cking years! Oh! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

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