The (Very) Abridged Arnold Schwarzenegger. [with update]

As regular readers can attest, we have been pretty hard on the California Governor on this site. In fact, he’s been pretty well lambasted here, here, here, and here.

However, in honor of his “State of the State” speech today, with a newfound spirit of cooperation, I’m going to begin this post with a compliment. Arnold Schwarzenegger is a much better actor than I have ever previously acknowledged. Unlike President Bush, who always sounds like a spoiled and defensive child, Schwarzenegger has an uncanny ability to express sincere remorse and a sense that he has learned from his mistakes. He can present himself as an inspiring, charismatic leader who at several points during today’s speech actually had me feeling a bit teary eyed. Then again, when I saw “Junior,” I though Arnold actually was pregnant!

I realize that not everyone reading this post cares that much about California issues. Those who care a lot probably listened to the speech. For those who care just a little, here’s a 10-cent paraphrased version of today’s speech so you don’t need to bother listening or reading the transcript (and want to be able to try reciting it in one breath, just for kicks):

Welcome. I’m still glad to be the Governor.

I tried to get my way by being a dick, but the people wouldn’t let me. So it’s now time to work together to rebuild California for the future.

We need better roads. I say build it!
We need better flood control. I say build it!
We need more schools. I say build it!
We need more hospitals. I say build it!
We need more courts. I say build it!
We need more prisons. I say build it!
We need cleaner air. I say build it! (Hey, there’s only so much a speechwriter can do!)

Perhaps you are wondering where we will get the money to invest in California for the future. It won’t be from taxes. Instead, we will borrow some of it from the future and then ask for matching Federal funds.

In addition, child molesters are bad! (loud applause)

People wouldn’t understand this in Illinois, or Delaware, or Kentucky. But here in California, we are dreaming!

God bless you!

Update: In case anyone is tempted to believe that Arnold really has found redemption and suddenly cares about working Californians, as he tries to adopt programs traditionally supported by Democrats to dampen criticism heading into a re-election campaign, here’s something to think about from the SF Chronicle. His re-election campaign is reportedly going to be run by current Bush/Cheney aide, Steve Schmidt, who is described as follows:

On the national scene, Schmidt earned his reputation as a steely political strategist who ran the Bush 2004 war room and became a member of the exclusive Breakfast Club, the small group of top operatives who planned the campaign during regular meetings at the home of White House political strategist Karl Rove.

As he showed during the clemency review of Tookie Williams, Arnold doesn’t believe in redemption. From the prospective of the Democrats, Schwarzenegger’s political career is scheduled to be executed in November, and despite his recently proclaimed turnaround, that execution should also be carried out as scheduled!